How To Tell If You’re An Arsehole

If you’re in a cinema or a theater and people have to tell you repeatedly to shut up, you’re an arsehole.

If you’re in a parking garage and you have to slam on brakes hard enough to make your tyres scream, you’re an arsehole. Slow the hell down.

If losing friends is a common theme in your life, it’s time to consider that perhaps they aren’t all arseholes. Maybe it’s you.

If you’re the guy who puts the milk back in the fridge when there isn’t even enough left for a cup of coffee, you’re an arsehole.

If you cheat on your partner, you’re an arsehole. If you cheat on your partner repeatedly, you’re the worst kind of arsehole.

If you make fun of mentally or physically handicapped people, you’re an arsehole who’s about to be ripped a new one.

If you find yourself saying “no offence” a lot, you’re an arsehole who knows it but does it anyway.

If you use waiters and shop assistants as your verbal punching bag, you’re an arsehole.

If you’re the guy who complains about police not doing their jobs and then complains about being pulled over for drunken driving and then complains they should be out catching the real criminals, you’re an arsehole and you are a real criminal.

If you drink and drive, you are an arsehole for whom I have zero sympathy. Nada. Not an ounce.

If you hear sirens coming behind you and you make no effort to get out the way, you’re an arsehole. Let’s just hope when they’re coming for you one day, there aren’t people like you on the road that day.

 

8 thoughts on “How To Tell If You’re An Arsehole

  1. Love this post! Here’s one that happened to me the other day: if you park someone in and make it sound like the other person can’t drive, you’re an arsehole.
    :) x

  2. Love this! Here’s another one for you: ‘if you park someone in and make it out like the other person can’t drive, you’re an arsehole.’
    :) x

  3. I totally agree with what you said and couldn’t have said it better so I reblogged it. Hope you don’t mind!

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