I have only ever been in hospital once.
Not including my day of birth.
In 2009, my parents took me out for lunch one sunny Sunday. I moaned the whole time that I felt ill and they moaned the whole time about what a brat I was.
Four days later I was booked into hospital to have all four wisdom teeth removed and my sinus cavities surgically widened.
This is what I looked like when I woke up. I refused to take that bandage off my face for about three days, my nose was swollen up like Miss Piggy.
Mostly when people wake up from anesthesia they’re really groggy and say stupid shit.
I was no exception. Unfortunately, I remember all of it.
My recovery nurse was a lovely blonde girl who lived in Stellenbosch, where I did too at the time.
So lovely, that I asked her out.
On a date.
For pizza at Bohemia.
My one and only foray into lesbianism and the best I can do is pizza at Bohemia.
Shortly afterwards I threw up, so I’m pretty sure that’s part of the reason we never did go out.