My Salad is Wilting

I seem to have lost motivation.

I sit on my couch and eat brownies for breakfast. Nine hours in a desk chair, the glare of the laptop burning my eyes.

I have a salad with me. Hastily prepared this morning.

It’s uninspiring. Tuna, some old lettuce, half a brick of crumbled feta, spoonful of low fat cottage cheese and a handful of chopped up gherkins.

My trainer unexpectedly left the gym. I still have a contract, someone will be there at 7am to train me and I’m already thinking that probably my hayfever is too bad and I should cancel.

We’re three weeks into 2012 and I’ve gone for a single walk. Had a single gym session.

New years resolutions? Still haven’t smoked. Still haven’t eaten Macdonald’s or KFC and have so far managed to avoid the temptation of Pizza Tuesday in the office.

But there is still a batch of burned brownies in the fridge that I can’t throw away.

My routine fell by the wayside and the working world has sapped my energy. When I’m not at my desk, I’m on my couch. My eating hasn’t been catastrophic, but the lack of exercise has.

I can feel it in my back when I sit for too long. I can feel it in my chest when I climb the stairs to the carpark.

Someone suggested laying out a too-tight pair of jeans as inspiration.

I’m pretty sure all that would inspire is a bout of depression followed by a comfort eating splurge.

The friendzone has become my permanent address. I’m having my mail forwarded here, buying some furniture soon. May as well settle in.

I am worth it. I do deserve to be loved.


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