23.11.09

I was going to share a story with you but the words will not come.

I’ll tell you a little bit and let’s see how far we get.

It’s a story about love at first sight. Do I believe? I’ve felt it. I know what it is. You feel it in the depth of your soul. It is not an emotion, it is a knowledge. The absolute certainty that this person, this total stranger in front of you, is somehow going to be important in your life.

I was right on that count.

That was a Monday. On the Wednesday I told a friend that I had met the man I would marry.

On that count, I was wrong.

Love at first sight, I now know, is not the happy ending to a story.

He’s still around. He is my best friend, my platonic soul mate. He knows me better than I do.  And perhaps this is why I am not finding the words to tell this story. I don’t want there to be any hard feelings, any preformed ideas of who he is. There are others involved too now. A little girl who deserves to know only the best.

I’m rereading what I have written and it lacks emotion. I m holding back and I find I am not willing to share this part of my story.

I will tell you this much. It ended, as these things so often do, in a broken heart and a battered ego. And some months later .. well, truth be told I hurt in places I had never known before, in ways I had not known possible.

But today, today he is still around and he is my best friend. You must understand that we will never be more again. Too much has happened. And you must also understand that this has all been my decision to make. It was the hardest one I have ever made. Nothing has been easy or without pain. And I do not regret it.

So I’ll stop now. Perhaps one day I will tell you a little bit more.

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