Everything is Real.

Two sleepless nights in a strange bed. A bed that bounces when I turn over.  I miss my bed, which lies flat and hard beneath me. I miss my duvet that settles into me, wrapping lightly around my body. This duvet sits on top of me. My feet get caught.

I am tired. I am tired and my mind is wandering, visiting dark corners where I hide the thoughts I don’t like to think. Corners that I normally avoid with conversations and friends and sleep.

Can you miss something that never was? Can you have a memory of something that never happened? How do you mourn the loss of a dream?

I let a dream go once before. A different dream, a different hurt. I let it go and it was hard but it was possible. This one is harder and I know why.

The first time, it faded away. The dream never existed outside of me, outside of my imagination. But this time, the dream is real. The dream happened. It happened to someone else and someone else is living my dream. It’s tangible. It’s not perfect but it’s mine and I’m not in it. I’m watching from the outside, from a distance. Too scared to get close because I know it will break me in two.

And people keep saying, “Thank god it wasn’t you” and I nod and laugh and say, “Thank god, can you imagine?”

But the thing is, I can imagine. I don’t even have to imagine too hard because my dream is playing out and all I have to do is put myself in it.

It’s strange because as much as I want to be in it, I also don’t. If it hadn’t happened to someone else, if someone else wasn’t sitting exactly where I wanted to sit, it would have been fine.

It’s ten years too early and now it’s too late.

It’s harder to let go of something real.

 

Advertising. We’re Doing it Wrong.

Tags

advertising, Chandler Bing, Friends, Joey Tribbiani

These guys. These guys had something.

Beauty Is Skin Deep, So Your Skin Better Be Beautiful.

Tags

Beauty, Elizabeth Anne, Estee Lauder, Mama Mio, QMS Medi Cosmetics, Skin

A beautiful life is just too expensive.

My mother and grandmother were both blessed with beautiful skin. Smooth and youthful.

I was blessed with this same skin. But mine came under attack from an angry army of hormones who raged war on my face for years.

My skin is scarred and pockmarked, which I hide under a layer of makeup. Makeup which costs me R415 a bottle, cheaper than some famous brands but still a hefty chunk of cash. I go through a bottle every two months or so. I’ve tried cheaper brands but the price is reflected in the quality.

Always wearing makeup leaves my skin dry, my eyes itchy and tight. I do try and let my skin breathe. Especially on Sundays. But for work, for social events. Makeup is a religion.

I still suffer from the occasional hormonal outburst, although this has been brought mostly under control by the Pill. What’s left, I can deal with. But the scarring hasn’t faded.

A few years ago, at the tender age of 22, a beautician told me the skin on my decolletage was that of a forty year old’s. Damaged by an outdoor, South African lifestyle. Sun, sea and sand.

I have sensitive skin. I break out in rashes often. My face and chest blush deep red  at the slightest temperature change. My whole body was covered in eczema for almost a year. An aqueous cream rash once had doctors testing me for measles and every time I go to Decodance I wake up with an angry, scaly chest. Aircons are my worst enemy and I am very nervous about what I put on my skin.

I once spent R3000 on Dermalogica products and noticed no difference. I spent a similar amount on Clinique products, which caused a violent allergic reaction after two uses. So, bad experience has dampened my enthusiasm for spending huge amounts on products recommended by beauty salons. I want real people reviews.

I would genuinely, truly, love to be on an efficient skin care regime. I would love to treat my skin to the whole range of QMS Medi Cosmetics. I would love to soak my chest in Mama Mio’s Boob Tube. I want the best quality, the most natural products. I dream of healthy, glowing skin and of people gasping and saying, “You look ten years younger than that”. 

I will, I’m determined, to go for laser treatment on my face to try smooth away the battle scars of my teen years.

It’s the monthly costs that kill me. I use Johnson’s face moisturizer, something I can pick up in Pick n Pay. I remove my make up at night with Elizabeth Anne’s Special Baby Shampoo. Beauty fundi’s are probably shuddering at the thought of my poor clogged pores.

My make up regime is counterproductive. I buy expensive make up to cover blemishes on my skin; I can’t afford the products to prevent the blemishes on my skin.

It’s a choice I have to make. What my budget covers. I don’t have DSTV or a maid, I do have a personal trainer. I do wear Estee Lauder foundation. I do have medical aid.

That’s what I can afford. That’s where my priorities lie.

So, beauty experts and everyone else, what I want to know from you is what is the one product you would base your reputation on? What is the one product you credit your glow to, the one product you would give up your monthly groceries for?

I can’t afford to buy things I don’t need. I need to know that what I invest in will change my life.

And go.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Me (my mother’s only child): I think you did an excellent job as a mother. Look how great I turned out.

Mom: I don’t know, I think I made some mistakes.

Malta, 2012

Love you, mom!

Love,

The Problem Child

Put The Popcorn On And Start Up The Slushy Machine

Tags

Emma Watson, Fastest Feature Film, Proudly South African, Shotgun Garfunkel, Sofia Coppola, The Bling Ring

Remember how I really love books? Like really really love books?

Well, I also really really like movies and series.

These trailers have me HOPPING in excitement. Now if only I had clients in the movie and entertainment industries.

Oh wait.

The fastest feature film ever made is a locally produced film about a bunch of guys on one epic night out. It’s local, it’s lekker (I’m sorry for that) and it looks pretty good!

The Bling Ring tells the real life story of the young group of criminal partiers who broke into the homes of Hollywood A-listers and stole their clothes, handbags and whatever else they couold lay their hands on.

And guys. I mean. Emma Watson and Sofia Coppola. Come’on.

The Great Gatsby. Leonardo Di Caprio is amazing in everything. Carey Mulligan is annoying in everything. I’m excited despite her.

Fred and Friends

Tags

Fred and Friends

I am head over heels in love with Fred.

And Friends.

Fred and Friends make quirky, so-kitschy-it’s-cool things. I say things, because they do it for everything. Little fun things for your computer, your desk, your kitchen, your baby.

Please. Please someone find a local supplier. I must have Fred. Particularly the last four things.

“I Said Goddamn. Goddamn.”

They Say Your True Self Comes Out Under the Influence of Drugs

Tags

Bohemia, Hospital Stay, Medi-Clinic, Stellenbosch

I have only ever been in hospital once.

Not including my day of birth.

In 2009, my parents took me out for lunch one sunny Sunday. I moaned the whole time that I felt ill and they moaned the whole time about what a brat I was.

Four days later I was booked into hospital to have all four wisdom teeth removed and my sinus cavities surgically widened.

This is what I looked like when I woke up. I refused to take that bandage off my face for about three days, my nose was swollen up like Miss Piggy.

Attractive, right?

Mostly when people wake up from anesthesia they’re really groggy and say stupid shit.

I was no exception. Unfortunately, I remember all of it.

My recovery nurse was a lovely blonde girl who lived in Stellenbosch, where I did too at the time.

So lovely, that I asked her out.

On a date.

For pizza at Bohemia.

My one and only foray into lesbianism and the best I can do is pizza at Bohemia.

Shortly afterwards I threw up, so I’m pretty sure that’s part of the reason we never  did go out.

“A Cup of Coffee Shared With a Friend is Happiness Tasted and Time Well Spent”

Tags

Cape Town, Good Luck, Restaurant, Restaurant Review, The Backyard Cafe

My school friend Nikki has opened a cafe with her friend Ash, in the garden of an antique and home decor store on Main Road, between Diep River and Bergvliet.

If you’re ever looking for a breakfast spot in the southern suburbs, this is it. And I’m not just saying it out of bias. Coffee at the Backyard Cafe feels like you’re hanging out at your favourite cousin’s house. The whole garden is filled with huge, beautiful rose bushes and plants everywhere. There’s a massive fountain and a vegetable garden. Pretty ribbon hang above your head and everything is a different colour.

Nikki and Ash run the cafe themselves, with some help from friends on weekends. Every meal is accompanied by a chat and the little kitchen opens onto the patio, so they’re always near by.

For us especially it’s great, it’s become such a popular spot with old classmates and their families that I know I’ll see someone I know on a Saturday morning. This Wednesday (Workers Day, woohoo!) I popped in for tea and breakfast with my friend Jade, also a Springfielder, and we bumped into four of our former classmates.

The prices are really great, the food is all fresh and home made and the coffee is Origin. I stole these pictures from their Facebook page (the ones below. The ones above were all my own) so you can see their menu. It’s totally kid friendly too, lots of place to run around and far off the street.

And as a side note, Nikki is the younger sister of Good Luck‘s lead singer Juliet.

I can, from experience, highly recommend the flapjacks, the croissant with scrambled eggs and bacon, the Garden Shed and the Jungle Gym. Also, the Hulk smoothie, the carrot cake and the red velvet.

What. We go there a lot.

I actually haven’t had lunch there yet, I’m a breakfast gal. I’ll put that in the books for next week.

Find them at 4 Sol Cohen Road, Bergvliet. They’re open from Tuesday to Saturday, 9am to 2pm.

Movie Barcode Art

Tags

Art, Movie Barcode, Tumblr

I found this Tumblr the other day while I was doing research for a client.

It’s been around since 2011 and no one seems to know who does it. The Tumblr is anonymous, not credited to any one person or company.

Whoever it is takes movies and compresses each frame into a single line, which he pushes together to create a barcode of the movie. The results are works of abstract art. I would love love love to get my hands on a print of my favourite movie to hang in my lounge. Love.

I selected these random examples of work, check here for the full index of all the barcodes created so far.

The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

Amelie (2001)

Fight Club (1999)

Finding Nemo (2003)

Ferris Beuller’s Day Off (1986)

Pulp Fiction (1984)

Pocahontas (1995)

One Flew over the Cuckoos Nest (1975)

For more, visit Movie Barcode.